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February 28, 2005
Rats 2005
I have now got the new Itinerary for 2005. You can download it by following this link: 2005 Water Rat's ItineraryPosted by Markiss at 8:01 PM | Comments (0)
Tailing
It was snowing last night and the temperature was 2 degrees below. That meant that this morning the roads were a bit icy. In typical Jersey fashion, all the schools have been closed. Apart from one that is, St Michael's School, unlucky sods. Then again I don't blame them for opening because the fees to go to that school are astronomical. Anyway, there is one funny story that came from all of this. Someone who works for me at the office (who will remain anonymous) was driving in this morning. He had a woman following him behind and far too close for the conditions. When they stopped at some traffic lights, he asked her to keep back a little. Driving a little further he could see that she hadn't listened to him so he pulled in and let her overtake. He then started to follow her, she ended up following a van in front of her and was up his arse as well. (Here's the funny bit) The van had to break to let someone out, so she slammed her breaks on and went straight into a granite wall, smashing up the front of her car. Not badly but more of a broken light and bad scratches. She then casually reversed off the wall and carried on with her journey as if nothing had happened. It just goes to show, that there is no excuse in tailing when it is icy. Maybe she has learned a lesson from this and even if she hasn't, I bet she was well embarrassed.Posted by Markiss at 12:02 PM | Comments (0)
February 25, 2005
Petals Around the Rose
Now for a Friday "Head Fuck". A puzzle for you to 'sus out. Hope it doesn't play with your head too much. Petals Around the Rose Let me know how long it took you to crack it. Took me 2 minutes ish. Now apparently the smarter you are, the longer it will take to figure it out. That makes me a thick twat! Nothing new there then.Posted by Markiss at 4:38 PM | Comments (0)
Happy Birthday
First off today, I want to wish 3 of my readers a Happy Birthday. That's right , 3 of 'em! Jonathan - Happy Birthday Alex - Happy Birthday (21st) and Sarararararararah - Happy Birthday. Hope you all have a great day and aren't working too hard. Enjoy.Posted by Markiss at 10:13 AM | Comments (0)
February 24, 2005
Gay Duck Dead
O.k then. For those of you who were interested in what I was talking about in the pub last night. Here is the documentation for you to read yourselves. The first case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard Anas platyrhynchos.Posted by Markiss at 4:05 PM | Comments (0)
February 23, 2005
Feedback
You've gotta just love this guys replies to his feedback on ebay.Stuff like:
Buyer: "Super fast shipping. Thank you. Very cute product. Daughter loves it. A+++"
Reply by mizzelphug: "I used to make that toy hump my other toys when I was younger. Enjoy."
Posted by Markiss at 4:13 PM | Comments (0)
Hot Arse
Thanks to my escapades last night. I am now providing free access to the Net. Couldn't 'sus out the password encypting bit in time before the Indian take away arrived. So my wireless connection is open to anyone who fancies using it. Also thanks to the take away last night, my arse is on fire today. Luckily I have loads left for seconds tonight, so that should numb it again. Bog rolls in the deep freeze as we speak.Posted by Markiss at 1:34 PM | Comments (2)
February 22, 2005
Random Stuff
I got a new toy delivered today it is a Wireless Broadband Router from Netgear. So I will try and install that tonight. Should be a laugh screwing that up. Now for my random thought. I am staying in for the night tonight and decided to order myself an Indian takeaway. Surfing through the Net, to find a menu, I found quite a few online. Now have you ever realised that virtually every menu is worded exactly the same? I wonder who originally wrote the menu and when it was written? Surley that guy should be owed a lot of money from all the restaurants who uses his menu. Just something that's been on my mind today! That's all :-) Oh and something else. Just heard this on the Radio. Has anyone ever been in a Doctors waiting room and seen another patient there with a saucepan stuck on their head? It always seems to happen in comics. I told you it was random stuff. Just felt like getting off work for 5 minutes. See ya!Posted by Markiss at 6:57 PM | Comments (0)
Autocad Technical
This post is really going to be put up here for people searching for a problem I have had for ages with Autocad. I thought since I have just solved it I would help others out.If this does solve your problem then please leave a comment and let me know. Also please let me know if it didn't.
Right the problem is:
"Internet explorer script error"
AutoCAD LT 2000 is randomly locking up when trying to print / plot. Usually the print dialog box comes up then AutoCAD freezes. When it freezes on the plot dialog box, the plot settings are highlighted and a pop up error screen saying "Internet explorer script error" is shown.
I've got a solution for the print / plot problem in Autocad LT 2000. If you rename the file aclt_plt.chm, which can normally be found in the help file, to (for instance) aclt_plt1.chm the problem will disappear. By doing this the >>- button to the right of the help button in the lower right corner of your plot dialogbox will disappear. But at least the script error goes away. This problem has been solved in the next release of Autocad which is Autocad LT 2000i. And Autocad aren't releasing a patch for this problem for those of us that use LT 2000. Seems pretty bad to me considering the money we pay for this software.
Anyway, I hope I have helped some of you out there. I have been on soo many forums with other people suffering from this problem.
Posted by Markiss at 3:02 PM | Comments (0)
February 21, 2005
Polish Swearing
This could be a laugh considering half of the staff at my local are Polish.How do I swear in Polish ?
chuj - dick
dupek - asshole
dziwka - whore (light)
kurwa - whore (hard), fig. "Oh shit!"
spieprzaj - piss off
spierdalaj - fuck off
pojebany - fucked up
pierdolec - fucker
Gówno (pron. GOOVnoh) - shit
zajebiste - fucking awesome
Pierdol sie kurwo - fuck you whore
Jebiesz jeze - you fuck hedgehogs
skurwysyn - son of a bitch
idiota - idiot
szmata - kind of whore
matkojebca - mother fucker
pizda - pussy
chuj ci w dupe - dick in your ass (lit)/fuck you
zrób mi laskę - do/give me a blowjob (I knew that one!)
krótka piłka z mojej strony, robisz pałę czy nie?- would you give me a blow job?
Do kurwy nędzy - fuck!!(when something goes wrong)
koński zwis - horse dick
ruchać,jebać,pierdolić - fuck
zjechać na ręcznym - have a hand job
Only problem is, I can't pronounce them.
Posted by Markiss at 6:29 PM | Comments (1)
Finding Time
This weekend I have been busy with my new laptop. Sounds a bit dodgy! Nah but really, I have been sorting it out and putting the software I want onto it. You just don't realise how long it all takes to set up. Email software, needs to be setup with "pop" account information and passwords etc. Dreamweaver with ftp information. Autocad has to be setup to the same highly customised state as I use at work. (That is taking me the longest). Then installing office, fireworks, anti-virus software, Zonealarm firewall, assorted building calculators (u-values, converters and stress calculators). Photoshop CS, Building Byelaws, Client information etc etc etc. I am not putting everything I own on it, as it is a Laptop after all. But it seems to be dealing with it all very well at the moment. Can't wait until I have finally got it all done. Then it will be to sort out the migration of the website! Argh!!!!!! Oh and I have to work as well on top of all that. Where will I find the time I ask myself? I love it really.Posted by Markiss at 5:18 PM | Comments (0)
February 18, 2005
99ROOMS
Last post of the week, so I will give you a link to my favourite website I have visited this week. I think this is xlnt. You must have your sound on (even better with headphones unless you have 7.1 surround sound on your computer :-) Probably best to look at this when stoned but it's up to you. A few lagers would do the trick too! Enjoy. 99ROOMSPosted by Markiss at 7:51 PM | Comments (0)
Steak and BJ Day
What a wonderful idea.March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him.
No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. Thats it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March 14th!
The word is already beginning to spread, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world. And, of course, steak and BJ's.
Posted by Markiss at 2:23 PM | Comments (0)
February 17, 2005
Birdie
Guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Sweet little birdPosted by Markiss at 7:02 PM | Comments (0)
Drunk Guy
I would like to appologise about this post in advance. "I'm sorry!"If you have a dodgy stomach definitely don't watch this
No sex or nudity but probably NSFW.
Thanks to Cherd in Ireland. (Is that one of your mates Cherdrick?) Yuck.
Posted by Markiss at 6:09 PM | Comments (0)
Still on Going
Remember this post? It was back in January on the 25th. It was about the fact that I pay a fortune for medical insurance and Norwich Union hadn't paid my bills which were from October. I ended it in saying "At least it was all sorted out by the Fucker in the end" Well guess what? I got a call today from my Specialist saying he still hasn't received payment yet. So the Fucker still hasn't done anything. AAAARRRGGGGHHHH. I wish that Fucker would come to me and ask me to design him a fucken house. I'd have the thing built on his fucken head. Right, now I am going to call again and see what the score is. I have a feeling I may loose it big style this time. Had to get that off my chest. Think I will send them a link to this post and ask for comments.Posted by Markiss at 5:34 PM | Comments (0)
Save Toby
I was talking about this in the pub the other night. Some said it was absolutely discusting and others thought it was another great idea on how to get money out of the Internet. What do you think? If he is telling the truth about how much he has earned by putting this up on the web ($14000 or so) then it seems quite a good idea to me. Make your own mind up and take a look at what I am talking about.... Save TobyPosted by Markiss at 11:53 AM | Comments (0)
February 16, 2005
Whats new?
A few new things are going on in the land of Markiss, one being the new comments. It's all a load of crap really but you can now preview your comments before posting. Also you may notice some small pictures in the comments too. These are called Gravatars - Globally Recognized Avatar. They are pictures of the person who posted the comment. You have to sign up to use this function though, you can read up about it here Gravatars. Also I am getting a new toy to play with soon. A laptop. Yes I must be one of the last people I know that doesn't own a laptop. I am buying it second hand from a mate. Who assures me isn't ripping me off :-) Had a look at it last night and all seems pretty good to me. Just need to get a wireless thingy then I am all set. Oh and can you remember to stick the feet of the computer back on Robert :-) Should be changing my hosting soon as well. That will be on Friday (ish) so you may not be able to see my site for a couple of days but do come back. If you link to me, in any way, you will have to change the url so that it points to http://www.markiss.co.uk/ and not my old one which was /blog/blogger.html thanks in advance.Posted by Markiss at 5:20 PM | Comments (0)
February 15, 2005
Testing
Website tech bit here. Just been doing some bits and peices to my site which none of you lot will really see the changes for but just needed to test my comments on this new post. So just ingore me. There will be a down time on my site later in the next couple of weeks but I will let you know about that sooner to the time.Posted by Markiss at 6:31 PM | Comments (0)
February 14, 2005
Hangover
I have got the Mother of all Hangovers today. Not suprising since I was drinking non stop for about 48 hours. What a great weekend. Went to a mates place on Saturday night for a "Champagne and Canapes" evening. The Champagne was flowing well as was the beer. Can't remember what time we left there, so must have enjoyed it. Then on Sunday I went to the Marys to watch Barry Tyler's Jazz Band. That started at midday, so I was still pissed from the night before. The music was superb. Think I got majorly drunk. The last few hours were a bit fuzzy. Maybe someone can let me know if I had a good time? I hope I did because I found my bar bill in my pocket this morning and it was just short of £60. Not bad considering I normally stick on my own. I hope I was buying other people drinks and didn't drink all that by myself!Update: We managed to raise £850 for the Tsunami appeal on the Champagne and Canapes evening.
Posted by Markiss at 3:01 PM | Comments (0)
February 12, 2005
How Much?
Fancy having a drink tonight? Oh and are you feeling a bit Rich too?Posted by Markiss at 8:04 PM | Comments (0)
February 11, 2005
Copy Your Penis
Amazon seem to be branching out these days. Hope I don't get pissed and buy this one day. Make An Exact Vibrating Rubber Dildo Copy Of Your Own PenisPosted by Markiss at 5:35 PM | Comments (0)
Fog
Nothing ever seems to go as planned does it? Barry Tyler's Jazz Band were meant to be coming over to Jersey on the 10:10 flight from London this morning they circled over Jersey about 12 times then had to be flown back to London because of the fog. Don't know whether or not they will make it for tonights gig at the Tipsy but I will keep you informed. Barry called me a few minutes ago and told me that he and the rest of the band are ok and have found themselves something to keep them occupied. The Bar! and also the duty free has just been stocked up with Whiskey. Nice one Barry. Also I can confirm that the Saturday evening gig is to be held at the Prince of Wales in St Ouen. Tickets are needed for that venue so please call the Prince for more information. (Depending on the fog of course)Update: Barry has just called to tell me not to go over to London because it is getting foggy there now too. So we wouldn't be able to land. Not looking good for tonights gig then!
Posted by Markiss at 3:58 PM | Comments (0)
February 10, 2005
Congratulations
Congratulations to Chris and Glenda on the Birth of your "second" Daughter, Nicole Jade, born 7.55pm on the 9th Feb weighing 8 lbs 11 oz & 55 cm long. Let's hope she doesn't grow up to be like you, hey Chris :-) Only messing. Good on you guys.Posted by Markiss at 6:20 PM | Comments (0)
ADSL
I think I am starting to get peaved with ADSL! Costs so much more than dialup but since I have got it, all that happens, is I keep getting cut off. I have just got back home and have been cut off 4 times! What do I do? Get a new modem or call Telecoms? Will have a think about it tomorrow I think. Still love the Net though :-)Posted by Markiss at 2:30 AM | Comments (0)
February 9, 2005
Spam Fun
I've got the chance to go out with a few cracking birds you know? I just received this email in my junk folder, it reads:"4 Wives looking to Cheat, have been matched for you in your area:
1) Fiona, 133 lbs, 5'9, 36c, 10 miles away, available Jan 31- Feb 3rd
2) Courtney, 136 lbs, 5'8, 36d, 11 miles away, available Jan 30- Feb 5rd
3) Celia, 128 lbs, 5'9, 34b, 13 miles away, available most week nights ( looking for side-fling)
4) Ashley, 126 lbs, 5'6, 36c, 16 miles away, available most week nights ( looking for side-fling)
All 4 women are waiting to speak with you live & have photos. Webcam's are available for all 4."
Great stuff! Only problem is, I live on an Island! The Island is 9 x 5 miles in size. That must mean these birds are actually fish then. Or maybe they are Mermaids. O.k the last one could possibly be a frog as France is within 16 miles from Jersey.
Hope these horny Mermaids have got water proof webcams!
Posted by Markiss at 5:41 PM | Comments (0)
February 8, 2005
Shop
Another thing Tony "P" said last night, was he was going to buy something from my Markiss Merchandise Shop. But decided not to because I am a money pinching bastard. He did say however that if I reduced my prices he would buy himself a "Markiss Large Mug". So just for you, Tony, I have decided to put all my stuff on Sale. Yes folks you heard me right. It is sale year :-) So now you can get that mug for a mere $12.99 that's about £7 or what about treating that special lady in your life to some "Markiss Thongs" for just $8.99 (£4.84). Can you imagine her face when you give her a pair of those? She would love you for all iternity. Why not get drunk with your own "Markiss Stein" for $14.99 (£8) Once you're drunk you could have a lovely chat with "Markiss Drunk Bear" for only $13.99 (£7.50). I here you asking "Markiss! How on earth can you be selling these wonderful items for soooo cheap?" The answer is because I can. Yes folks the sale is now on come and grab yourself a bit of Markiss History.Posted by Markiss at 8:06 PM | Comments (0)
Happy Tossing
A couple of things to mention today. Last night, down at the local, I found that the prices for alcohol had risen. Not really that suprising considering it normally goes up twice a year. Well that seems to have been the trend for the last 10 years or so. The worst thing about the new price rises is the fact that a pint of beer in Jersey is now more expensive than in the U.K. Not bad for a V.A.T free Island. That's what our tourism industry calls Jersey when trying to get holiday makers over here. Jersey used to be half the price compared to the U.K not only for booze but fags and petrol too. Sadly that isn't the case anymore. I wanted to find out (compare) how much other people pay for their tipple at their local pub. Prices at my local are now: Pint of Grolsch £2.62 Pint of Carling £2.23 And a bloody double Gin & Tonic is now £4.38! So how much do you pay? Comments please.Staying on the same subject, Tony "P" wanted me to state on my website, that he has now stopped going into the pub during the week. Yeah right "P", wonder how long that will last for? I will be keeping an eye on you :-)
Oh and before I go and do some more work. Happy Tossing everyone.
Posted by Markiss at 1:25 PM | Comments (0)
February 7, 2005
Valentine
What You'll Do for Valentine's DayMillions in the United States, England and Canada will celebrate Saint Valentine's Day on Monday, February 14th. While some traditions remain constant, others change over time and vary between different age groups.
Based on a tracking survey of internet users aged 17 to 34, this is a projection of what you are most likely to do for Valentine's Day 2005.
Send a card: 11%
Send flowers: 7%
Send candy: 3%
Send flowers, candy and a card: 1%
Sit at the computer and masturbate: 78%
How times have changed.
Posted by Markiss at 2:53 PM | Comments (0)
Apologies
Apologies for not posting for soooooooo long. I have had my reasons. Have been far too busy to tell you the truth. Work has been crazy. Everyone wanting their job started now and finished tomorrow. I have also been working on the weekend doing a P.J "Private Job". P.J's are a good way to make some nice money but you can forget about having a nice relaxing Sunday. So what have I been up to since my last post? Spending money is the answer. If it isn't bill's then it's me being let loose on the Internet with my credit card. Last night I ordered 9 dvd's which were: The Big Blue, Master and Commander, I Robot, Open Water, Alien vs Predator, Shark Tale, Catwoman, The Village and The Chronicles of Riddick. I also ordered a new dvd player! But that is for someone else. Am buying a 1 GB usb storage device thingy too. I needed to order that lot as I was starting to get withdrawal symptoms for not being on Amazon for over 2 weeks! You can tell I spend quite a bit on Amazon because when you log on they ask you if you want to sell your previous purchases and mine is worth over a grand. Now why would I want to sell them back to them anyway?So it's Monday again, most people don't like Mondays, me for one. First day at work and after work tonight I have a meeting to do with the thrift club as well. I have a funny feeling this week is going to drag. Oh and to start off the week in style, I had a bad nightmare this morning too. Nightmares and me don't mix. The reason being is that I take them far to personally. It will take me a good week to convince myself that it wasn't real and didn't really happen. This one was to do with me being back at School and not being able to find the next class and by the time I got to the next class it had just finished and then I had to find the next one. Really stupid stuff and I haven't got a clue why I was dreaming about it. I'm sure there is a reason and there will be someone out there who could tell me. Probably something to do with time keeping or something!
Anyway, the week must commence. I wish you all a great week and don't be late for School now.
Posted by Markiss at 2:17 PM | Comments (0)
February 3, 2005
Punctuation
I know exactly how this guy feels. This seems so familiar. BUT! Ze has come up with a great idea to deal with this problem. Want to know what I am talking about? Well watch this then Punctuation SubstitutePosted by Markiss at 4:02 PM | Comments (0)
February 2, 2005
Avalanche Pee
Man peed way out of avalancheA Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it.
Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains.
He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out.
But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through.
He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported.
He said: "I was scooping the snow from above me and packing it down below the window, and then I peed on it to melt it. It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt. But I'm glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there."
Parts of Europe have this week been hit by the heaviest snowfalls since 1941, with some places registering more than ten feet of snow in 24 hours.
Source
Now I told you beer was good for you.
Posted by Markiss at 5:43 PM | Comments (0)
Jazz Dates
I have dates and times of the venues that Barry Tyler's Original Dixieland Jazz Band are playing whilst over in Jersey. They are:
Friday 11th February - Tipsy Toad, St Peter - 9pm.
Saturday 12th February - Blue Note Bar - St Helier - 3pm ish
Saturday 12th February - Cycle Peru Challenge Gig - Time and Venue to be confirmed.
Sunday 13th February - St Mary's Country Inn - Midday give or take ½ hour or so.
All times are approx as there is no telling on what state Barry and the boyz will be in. Depends on the amount of drink that has been consumed.
I hope to see you at some of the gigs mentioned.
As always please read the terms and conditions before going to one of their shows:
Whilst every endeavour will be made to appear at appropriate venues, the "Musicians" individually and corporately reserve the right to get "as a newt" and sleep through the sessions. No responsibilty is accepted for damage to ear drums, recording equipment or reputations.
Posted by Markiss at 2:03 PM | Comments (0)
